Femininity Part IV

For some women, being feminine after a lifetime of being an independant, no-nonsense gal, one who takes care of everything herself (who needs a man?), with no time for that sort of thing (or maybe not having been raised that way and not knowing where to start), is quite a feat. Some women with only brothers were raised to be "one of the guys". Maybe you had female role models, but they told you there is no difference between men and women on any level, and it's impractical to spend time on your hair or wear pretty, feminine clothes that can ruin easily. Maybe somewhere along the line you were taught to feel guilty for not wanting to be a work horse, because great women before you fought so that you could go to work every day from 9-5 and make as much money as men.

On the other hand, maybe you feel like you are missing out on something. Maybe you'd like to know why despite having a great career and lots of friends, you are still single, or if you are married, why your husband often treats you like a co-worker... you just go through the motions of daily marriage. Maybe you'd like to spend a little time each week relaxing, and be more to your family than just a second paycheck. Maybe you'd like your son to treat your daughter more gently, and not as though she were one of the tough boys from his pee wee football team.



Combining the different aspects of femininity (the dress and appearance, the manner and ways, the essense and very nature) will result in a woman that is very appealing and enchanting to the male sex, as well as making others respond to her differently. It is easy to read all these suggestions, to know what to do, but doing them is altogether a different (and often difficult) thing. Sometimes becoming feminine is not simply like turning on a light switch, but a journey over time, with small changes here and there.

Being used to acting like "one of the guys" at the office and elsewhere, or even just floating somewhere in between the worlds of trying to be more feminine and always resorting to just doing what you are used to, easiest or quickest, may make you feel you are sacrificing too much of yourself and your femininity. So what are some simple ways to start the journey toward being more feminine?

Simple Tips to Acquire a More Feminine Attitude:

(Start with any of the following suggestions and practice one for a day or a week. As you feel comfortable, add more.)

♥ Allow yourself to depend on men. If a man offers his arm to escort you, take it. If a man offers to pay for your meal or ticket, say "thank you". Do not insist on paying him back to be "fair". If a man offers to fix your flat tire, don't worry about putting him out. Men want to be gentlemen and do nice things for their women, but are so often chastised by "modern" women for holding a door open for them or holding out their chair. It may be ackward at first, but you'll get used to it, and soon come to see it as very natural.



♥ Do not compete with men. Don't brag that you can beat him at arm wrestling, that you can fix your own flat tire, that you make more money, that you can support yourself better than any man could, or that you score better on tests. No only is bragging tacky and rude (with anyone), but it dimishes a man's interest in you. He does not need his weak areas to be rubbed in his face, or to be humiliated by a woman being stronger than he is and pointing it out. What appeal would such a woman have to a man?


♥ I've posted this before but it bears mentioning again...do not pretend to be brave when you are afraid. If a nasty neighbor is harassing you, tell your husband or father or another male you trust, so they can defend you. Do not engage a hostile person alone (it can be dangerous!). Do not walk off bravely into the night alone because you are ashamed to admit you are afraid. Do not take risks at the urging of others that you have doubts about. Trust your instinct. Your boss may not care that you have to work alone late at night, but if you worry about your safety, then put your feelings first. Trust your instinct, and be willing to lose a job or man or friend that does not appreciate you enough to regard your safety.




♥ Do not be a doormat...do not give up your comfort for a man's comfort. Instead, a gentleman allows himself to be uncomfortable so that his woman may be comfortable. Let him do this for you (and certainly don't feel bad about it! A woman is more delicate, and a man is build to handle discomforts better, and a gentleman wants to do this for his woman). Allow him to give up his seat for you. Allow him to carry your heavy packages. Allow him to give up his jacket for you to wear when it is cold.



♥ Do not do work that should be done by your husband or a man. If your husband always takes out the garbage or mows the lawn, and you did it once or twice to help out, but then found that he now leaves it for you to do, stop doing it. Give him back his masculine work. Do not lift very heavy things because he has forgotten to. Do not pick up the slack for him, or for a friend, or for a parent that is imposing on your. Do not let others be lazy or rude at your expense. Do not be so giving that you let others inappropriately impose and ruin your serenity and day. When you do this, you are overworking yourself, overburdening yourself, and you will become resentful and angry. A resentful and angry woman can not be feminine. Do not lose your femininity to please others that are taking advantage. A simple, quiet, and firm "no" when this happens is enough. People will respect you when they trust your "no" to be final, and know they can not convince you to overburden yourself with a little cajoling. You already cook and clean, possibly work and/or take care of children, as well as have a long list of to do's. Do not overburden yourself unless there is an emergency.

♥ Do no push others around. Do not look for weakness in others to take advantage of. This is most unfeminine, uncompassionate, and unkind. Do not mistreat service workers, or threaten to report them if they don't do everything you say. You don't know if they are tired and overworked, have had a bad day, and very simply, waitresses, cashiers, and others in the service industry are not slaves, they are human beings trying to make a living, and should be respected as such, with dignity.

♥ Do not tell others what to do. If a man asks your opinion, you may give it (kindly...do not be harsh). If a friend asks for aid, help them if you can, but do not attach conditions or strings. Do not belittle them for having made poor choices...advise and help as you can, and that is all. Do not open debates with others about their opinions on politics or religion or other personal matters. Everyone is entitled to freedom of choice and personal opinions. Do not try to force your opinions on others. Too, do not let them force theirs on you. You may listen, but do not feel obligated to give in to another in moral issues or issues of important personal opinions and choices. Being feminine does not mean being weak-minded.

♥ Do not be embarassed by your emotions. If someone tries to shame you for shows of tenderness, compassion, or fear, steer away from this person. It is natural for a feminine woman to have these feelings and they should not allow others to hardent them or mock them for it.



♥ A feminine woman not only accepts a man's care and protection, but appreciates it greatly. Show him admiration for his bravery and gentlemanness. Give him a chance to put your coat on for you, or to take care of things for you. Do not insist he do it, or do it because you expect him not to (for that matter, discard of the idea that "all men are alike" and that he would not naturally want to do gentlemanly things for you. There are too many decent, gentlemanly, and chivalrous men out there for this idea to be true and it's an insult to all those men to perpetuate this idea) or because you worry you are imposing on him. Always thank him after.



♥ Do things that you enjoy and bring our your feminine side. Play with children and pets. Take time to fix your hair and get a pedicure. Get a massage. Drink tea while reading an enjoyable book. Go for a walk through a beautiful park with a friend. Enjoy swinging on a porch fence. Live life slower, and enjoy it more.



♥ If your life is too hectic and you can not enjoy if, if you find you are irritable often and yelling at your children or husband or boyfriend often, you are too busy. You may need to take some things off your plate. Do not be ashamed or feel guilty. It is more important that you are relaxed and good to your family. Give up a position in a club you are in if you have to, or even volunteer less, until you are more calm and feel you can breath and enjoy your day to day life. Rushing through life is no way to live. Your family deserves better from you and you deserve better from yourself.

(In the future I will post simple tips to start appearing more feminine, and behaving more feminine, one step at a time)

Go to Femininity Part I, II, III