Don't Be Afraid To Take a Wrecking Ball To Your Life In Order To Redesign It

Someone I felt very close to died some years back, and her birthday was October 15th. She was one of the liveliest women there was, who believed in living everyday to the fullest. She had a lovely garden, and loved to put umbrellas in her iced tea, and dreamed about going to Spain and wearing a full skirt while dancing under a spanish moon. She believed in making dreams and fulfilling them, but unfortunately died too soon, before she could live them all out.

She gave the best advice (I mean the best) for living a truly full, happy life. Always look at the best in people. Know what you want, and go for it. Accept people as they are, don't try to change them. If you are unhappy in life, it's because you are neglecting yourself and your dreams, so change yourself, change your environment, change your plans. Don't be afraid of change, be afraid of not changing and just accepting your unhappiness. You only live once, you should live a life that fills you with joy when you look back on it at 100 years of age, that you can tell your grandchildren about with pride.

I feel very lucky to have known her. Her expression "Don't be afraid to take a wrecking ball to your life in order to redesign it" came at the right time in my life. I quit a job I was unhappy at, ended relationships and friendships with people I was not proud to be associated with, and made other large changes in my life that I was afraid to make until then (afraid of the unknown? the unfamiliar? what people will say/think?). Luckily I was more afraid of wasting more years feeling the life I wanted was just out of reach, and one day wishing I had more guts. I took risks, basically took a wrecking ball to my old life, and I am eternally grateful to her because I would not be so happy today if not for her words of wisdom.

Every life has challenges, but who wants to work hard for what you don't even want (like a promotion that gave me more headaches and took me away from family even more, or a bigger house with bigger bills and upkeep, just to have an outward sign of success, etc)...my life challenges today are for things that, when I accomplish them, will make me fulfilled. I would probably not be married to such a great man and looking forward to my first child, and not have the great friends I've had, and the daily life I have, had I not met her and listened to her advice.



Some of her gems:

* EnJoY LiFe- buy a kitten, take tango, go to the beach...just do what makes you happy.

* Avoid people who don't treat you well...just float away from them. No need to explain anything. If they mistreat you or your family, don't give them a second thought or moment.

* Don't harp on the negative in your life. Focus on what is great. Take care of the problems, but don't focus on them or spend hours thinking about them, or what bad things have happened, or which friends hurt you, etc...this will give you wrinkles. Focus on the positive in your life instead.

* Take care of yourself. Eat healthy foods, go to the gym, get the natural mood elevations of exercise and healthy eating. Make taking care of yourself and family a priority.


* Trust that you will get what you need in life (always sounded Biblical to me- just trust in the Lord, give Him your worries). Worrying won't change anything, but will give you wrinkles (and another thing to worry about).

* You spend a LOT of time at work, so don't waste your life on a job you don't enjoy. You tend to be more successful at what you love anyway, and these days you spend where you don't want to be, these years- you won't get them back. Follow your calling, talents, dreams. Don't be afraid to quit your job and pursue other paths in life. Opportunities don't usually come while you are burning the midnight oil writing a presentation on something you don't even care about, they come when you make room in your life to be filled up.

* Don't let fear hold you back, or habit, or ease. Do what is unusual, or out of character, or hard, if it will fulfill your life dreams. Wrote a novel? Start contacting every publisher, send it out, look into self-publishing...why put it off? You'll only regret it when you are older. Had five children and never focused on yourself? Hire a personal trainer and get back into shape, or take a cruise to an exotic island...how about Fiji? Learn to bake (so what if you were always Ms. Career Lady...do what makes you happy- take cooking classes and become a chef, change careers, just do it).


Don't let anyone make you feel bad about it...just do it. There will always be people who want you just as you are so that their life is easier, and fulfill their dreams. The truth is, they will respect your more (and you will respect yourself) if you stop living as a doormat for an overbearing boss, toxic friend, or unappreciative mate. You may need to take some time to think about what you are meant to do (pray about it, journal about it, whatever helps you find your right path) but do not let FEAR hold you back. The biggest thing to fear is living a life of mediocrity for the sake of not being a bother to others or not making waves. Remember, too, that your children see you, and will be inspired by you (or look past you) depending on how passionately you live your life.

This was her genius, how she inspired others. We all knew her as Lili*, and while fulfilling her life dreams, she was a mentor to many women, and she is very, very missed.